Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I've been sick for over a week now and haven't been able to or willing to practice. I have purposely stayed away from posting a blog, because I am mean when i get sick. I don't want to get on here and rant about how the world and the people who occupy have turned against me or some nonsense. Hopefully tomorrow i will get back to my Ashtanaga practice...still dealing with a bit of mucus but i miss practicing.
Friday, April 8, 2011
First i want to talk about last night, as I lay down for the night. It has been over two weeks, since i have felt the energy along my spine. Last night it was back, rushing through my body, comforting me as i fell asleep. This morning , i woke sinuses causing me to sniffle. I unrolled my mat and made such a great attempt. I suffered every time I moved into Dwi or beyond where my head was slightly inverted, the mucus was playing havoc with me. I have fought my way through similar mornings and won, vicotry wasn't mine. I suffered, trying to breathe, concentration was hard to find. When Nicki said"last one, Ekim," I was done. When part of the morning practice is to concentrate on breath, not being able to, throws a wrench in the whole thing. Tomorrow is the last day of my practice until Monday rolls around, here's hoping to be able to breathe.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
When Spring finally grabs hold of Ohio i will be ready, my sinuses will be thankful. I struggle some mornings, not to roll out the mat, but to stay on the mat. This morning was no different, I had the doubter creep into my head, just passed the beginnig. "You can stop," I could feel my body consider, then I took a breath and moved into Ekam. I am making it a point of using the Sanskrit names of the poses this time, so i can learn the spelling. Knowing the sound is one thing, but I want to learn more. Stretch a little deeper, that is how i want to approach my practice and the task of learning the Cedic writings, as well as Sanskrit. Ekam doesn't look like how I pictured it being spelled...Dwi is the same for that matter. It is a bit like having someone tell you about someone or talking to them on the phone, without ever seeing their face. We form images and opinions on what we believe they look like. Then we go deeper and learn so much more...about ourselves.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I seems like it has been longer since i did an update, but it wasn't that long ago. There are a couple things that were exciting, more experiential, than related to practice. It was Friday mornings invocation that I had one of the first experiences. To date, most times i am yaqning halfway through, or saying the words in kind of a sleepy groan. Firday was different because, at the opeing and closing Om, the tone was even. I could literally feel the Om resonate through my entire body, it was really quite something. Right around Saturday...maybe Sunday, this comfort came over me. It was as though my journey off my "pagan path", learning about Quakers had released something new. Almost like I was ready to come home to the Goddess. I have never been one to walk around talking about the Goddess or using merry meet and blessed be. It is odd, almost like she was waiting for me, by whatever name I choose to call her. On to something else...yes this entry is going to be a bit long-winded. I have become very comfortable with my body, accepting the way i was born etc. Tere are always challenges brought on by ego. Ego causes us to wonder if we could change our body, add or subtract a part of us to be more attractive. i can say I have fallen under the spell of wanting such things. I'm sure i will continue to struggle with this, but am up for the battle. It has been a year since i took on ego and vanity and cut my hair off. Whenever it gets long enough to comb, I struggle with my self image and think of my thinning areas. I feel more humble with it short and empowered too (cutting it myself adds to the self empowerment). When i was younger i struggled with my height and that effected my self esteem or rather, i let it effect me. Here i am again, struggling with this, looking at ways to augment my body. naturally or not, I wonder if it can be done. maybe i'm just fooling myself into thinking it is something that would make me more attractive to a partner. Now for the last few years i have used a Chinese herbal shampoo, that has actually given me a healthy scalp and even grown hair. It is a natural formula and has not side effects on my health. Now I am committed to do only healthy things to help my body, if it can't be changed with natural herbs i won't do it. If it is something that nature changes about a humans body, then can cause damage if it is chemically altered, then i won't do it. Ego has grabbed me by the ankles as much as it has smothered society. I think Ashtanga has made me realize the possibilities of this physical shell. Understanding diet and the old herbal medicines, i believe definitely hold alot of answers, that we keep ignoring. Today was my first day back to the mat and had forgotten the moon day was Monday. I keep chuggin away at Sury A, the rainy cold weather hasn't helped, but down dog does help clear up the sinuses nicely.